The following is a dialog of a 22 year old male who would like to be titled in the piece as "Desperado". After some small talk "Desperado" opened up and had this to say...
You know, I was really glad to do this anonymously. Not that there's shame in anything I do but as a guy you really don't know how to just pour yourself out and especially to just anyone.
Right now I am at that point of forming who I want to be as a man- the values I believe and the things I won't do just to fit in. I guess that's what most of us are doing at this age. Sometimes it kinda feels like some of the guys our age already have, and I kinda envy that. I wish I could just be a jerk to anyone and say what ever the hell comes to my head.Those guys always seem to get the girls so easy like that. But I don't, for some reason I tend to treat everyone with respect and give them the benefit of the doubt.
Sometimes I feel like a pussy for that. I let things get to me that I should already expect that weren't going to go my way. Never been a lucky guy but I can say I'm luckier than most. People see me as the person I planned for them to see me, and they have no idea that I have these insecurities.
I love the ladies with a passion, but for the life of me I could never approach one I didn't know. All my relationships were formed from spontaneous events and conversations after knowing them for awhile. I guess you could say that's where my luck lies.
People these days....I really don't get them. It actually worries me to see what this world will be once we're the ones governing. Girls try to act like guys for fear of being hurt, and guys just fuck till they can't feel anything for the fear of being hurt. So we're stuck just with a bunch of assholes who are afraid to be human and in effect do inhuman things. Whats wrong with a little hurt? It shapes character. Hence, people who have everything their way usually are insensitive schmucks.
You ever notice that mass shootings are mostly made of the same characteristics? Depressed, teen, male. You know why, because we're given this blue print from the day we're born to out-masculine any situation that comes our way. "Man up" they say. And when you have that pressure on you to feel nothing, you end up feeling everything. Walls close in, and (not to sympathize with a killer) the only masculine opt out is violence. People need to be open with this, because you know these guys aren't just going to straight up ask for help or someone to listen, or someone to care.
I like to keep a positive outlook on my future. I always like to keep the mentality that the happier days are ahead of me, and the only way to get there is to take the bullshit head on. That would be my advice to anyone in thick.
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