Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Take a walk: The outcast sympathizer


The following is an interview with a 23 year old charismatic, student who like to be referred to in this piece as 'Snake Plissken'. It did not take long for 'Plissken' to open up. When he did, he had this to.

I wanted to do this out of pure interest and curiosity. I deal in social science and I like to visualize the 'asking people about their feelings' thing. You doing this interview is gonna have an impact for a lot of people. I like that it’s a random profiling of human beings and the fact people will see this and like you mentioned , "its getting to know people without knowing the person".

A weakness that people don't know about me is that I consistently don not believe in myself.I don't think people get the depth of how fucked I get mentally sometimes. I've I picked up some bullshit in my past. Whatever it is that people expect out of me is something that I really don't want for myself. I don't want to sound dramatic but people in the past took me as a fool, and I been fighting that to this day. My way was  to always just to escape things instead of facing them

I would say because of the issues I've had it has help me to teach myself to know more, not that I'm a dumb person or anything. But I use these things to escape reality. of learning any and everything. But now that I know as much as a do, it made me more fucked up. I learned the world is more hash than I originally thought it was. Its a great big paradox. I learn to better myself but feel worse about the place I'm living in.

I think the outcome of this made less social, less outgoing, less comedic. I use music now as a outlet, for anger, fear and resentment. It was my ability cope with it. There was a time, that I was doing mind altering drugs that made me think differently of myself and how I deal with people. Not all negative though. But it made think of how others just go about this life. Realizing that most of these people are just drones, and not apart the reality of just BEING. I hate that I think like this sometimes because society tells us that once we think that we're totally different from other people, it's insanity. That's just how they see it. You see me and we've talk and I don't come off to you as insane,right? (completely not). But its the deeper thinking of these simple things that cast that. They're not going to flat out tell you that "Hey, you're insane". They going to be nice about it with "you have ADD" or" You're manic depressive" or "schizophrenic".

Because of this, though I have been a pretty strict on people as a society; I still have hope and I still care for these people. There's good out there, man. Its not all bad. You can go around the world and see all the culture there is and you can see that it's not all bad. You go about it several ways. You wake up every morning and get your coffee from starbucks or wawa and pretend to be happy go lucky. But that's not life. Its about seeing the bad and excepting it as it is and that it will happen, and all the more to celebrate the good and beautiful things in life. Then you can really appreciate all it offers.

I admit I do enjoy the chaos. I do find myself trying to understand the outcast. That's human nature though. That's Andrew Dice Clay, that's George Carlin, that's Richard Pryor. That's what brought their individuality to even go there.

I'm not the leader, I don't want to be the king. I just want to put my art out there and hope they'll like it. I know everyone won't, but if the message is getting to anyone out there than that to me is my life fulfilled success.  

Monday, March 18, 2013

Take a walk #1

The following is a dialog of a 22 year old male who would like to be titled in the piece as "Desperado". After some small talk "Desperado" opened up and had this to say...

You know, I was really glad to do this anonymously. Not that there's shame in anything I do but as a guy you really don't know how to just pour yourself out and especially to just anyone.

Right now I am at that point of forming who I want to be as a man- the values I believe and the things I won't do just to fit in. I guess that's what most of us are doing at this age. Sometimes it kinda feels like some of the guys our age already have, and I kinda envy that. I wish I could just be a jerk to anyone and say what ever the hell comes to my head.Those guys always seem to get the girls so easy like that. But I don't, for some reason I tend to treat everyone with respect and give them the benefit of the doubt.

Sometimes I feel like a pussy for that. I let things get to me that I should already expect that weren't going to go my way. Never been a lucky guy but I can say I'm luckier than most. People see me as the person I planned for them to see me, and they have no idea that I have these insecurities.

I love the ladies with a passion, but for the life of me I could never approach one I didn't know. All my relationships were formed from spontaneous events and conversations after knowing them for awhile. I guess you could say that's where my luck lies.

People these days....I really don't get them. It actually worries me to see what this world will be once we're the ones governing. Girls try to act like guys for fear of being hurt, and guys just fuck till they can't feel anything for the fear of being hurt. So we're stuck just with a bunch of assholes who are afraid to be human and in effect do inhuman things. Whats wrong with a little hurt? It shapes character. Hence, people who have everything their way usually are insensitive schmucks.

You ever notice that mass shootings are mostly made of the same characteristics? Depressed, teen, male. You know why, because we're given this blue print from the day we're born to out-masculine any situation that comes our way. "Man up" they say. And when you have that pressure on you to feel nothing, you end up feeling everything. Walls close in, and (not to sympathize with a killer) the only masculine opt out is violence. People need to be open with this, because you know these guys aren't just going to straight up ask for help or someone to listen, or someone to care.

I like to keep a positive outlook on my future. I always like to keep the mentality that the happier days are ahead of me, and the only way to get there is to take the bullshit head on. That would be my advice to anyone in thick.